Olympic State of Mind for All: Twelve Tips

 

Tennis superstar Naomi Osaka stood high on the Olympic stairs, arms high, broadly smiling to the crowds after she lit the cauldron at the Tokyo Games’ open under the world’s watchful eyes, only to days later announce that she would drop out of competing.

Her admission was hardly surprising given her bowing out of Wimbledon and refusing to do mandatory press interviews after the French Open, admitting in a tweet that she had “suffered long bouts of depression” since the 2018 US Open, and wears headphones to “dull my social anxiety.”  

Social anxiety plagues millions of youth and adults, whereby the prospect of facing people triggers tremendous fears, and withdrawal to safety at any cost.

Osaka is joined by U.S. superstar gymnast Simone Biles, who initially pulled out of competing to focus on her mental health.

TV ads running during the Games feature eighteen-Gold medalist-turned mental health advocate Michael Phelps, promoting the online counseling service Talkspace.  Phelps admits that in 2014, he hadn’t left his room in five days and questioned whether he wanted to be alive.

“Please talk to a licensed therapist as soon as you realize you need help” he advises, with the service’s coda, “Therapy for all.”

An increasing number of once-stigmatized anxieties of the finest physically fit athletes are coming to light during the present Games, with reports and interviews about emotional traumas which have not just been overcome, but which dash medal high hopes.  

 Recognizing the syndrome of “social anxiety” has come a long way since the 1980s when the New York Times ran a story about this “new” condition, and I pitched covering it to my News Director at the TV station for which I was then a feature reporter covering psychological news. He snuffed it off, saying, “Oh that's just another one of you therapists trying to drum up business by making up a name for some condition.”

 He was so very wrong then and proven wrong now.

 “Mental health is so important,” said gold medal swimmer Katie Ledecky in an interview, empathizing with Biles.  

The normal emotional challenges of competing were understandably exponentially increased for Biles given the shock and mourning for her aunt.

 The motto “United by Emotion” chosen by the Tokyo Olympics organizers for the Summer Games says it well, as emotions run deep for all and overflow in triumph and defeat. 

 The motto is strengthened by the theme #StrongerTogether, since research proves that shared experience shores self-esteem and confidence. I know this well from years of giving advice on the radio, where callers and listeners were comforted knowing “you’re are not alone”. 

 Mindset matters. Back in 1976, I produced an audiotape about visualization and mindfulness for tennis excellence with a psychologist friend Dr. Henry Grayson.  Those more-Eastern style techniques have become popular for relaxation and concentration essential for success.

 Texan Olympic diving champ Hailey Hernandez could relate to gymnast star Simone Biles dealing with “the twisties” – involuntarily feeling out of control, disoriented, and out of sync in your mind and body when doing movements mid-air, so you don’t know what’s up or down, like being in outer space.

Biles wisely bowed out for her safety and deserves even more credit for bouncing back so quickly mentally, to re-enter completion and win bronze. That's true resilience.

 Kudos to the Olympic committee for providing a 24-hour free “Mentally Fit Helpline" service for short-term support and counseling in 70 languages by psychologists and psychiatrists available before, during, and for three months after the Games.

 Such professional support, and also music, can calm performance jitters.  Hernandez said in an interview that the song “Give Me Everything” by American rapper Pitbull transformed her anxiety into motivation.

Participating in sports itself can allay anxieties, as even amateur athletes know, when the brain floods with oxytocin, the pleasure chemical.  BMX freestyle Olympian Nikita Ducarroz reportedly said cycling helped her heal from debilitating anxiety in high school.

Here are twelve tips of my advice for all reaching for the Gold in everyday life.

1.     Keep your eye on the ball, whatever your goal.  Let it drive you past inevitable doubt and lulls. Tap into your own passion or that of a supporter’s push and pride.

2.     Strive for perfection, despite critiques that striving for flawlessness can be debilitating.  Aiming for the top gets you there; stopping short doesn’t.

3.     Never let your guard down.  When I looked behind me and saw I was way ahead as the anchor in my high school relay race and felt so confident that I didn’t push harder, the runner behind me raced ahead of me to the goal line.

4.     Mentally hear cheerleaders in your head, instead of inevitable naysayers and doubters. Despite pandemic bans on the presence of fans, Olympians were inspired by their family and friends cheering them from back home.

5.     "Dream big and take what's yours!" I agree with USA sprinter Gabby Thomas. 

6.     "Be yourself"! It’s what her coach told middle-distance runner and Bronze medalist Raevyn Rogers told her. I’ve been giving this advice to everyone at all ages to do every moment of life.

7.      Imaging works.  Picturing and practicing an outcome in your mind, and feeling it in your body, makes it more likely it will happen.

8.     Take on the biggest challenge.  One female Olympian basketballer, when faced with choosing between playing for France or Spain -- neither language which she spoke -- chose Spain, which she thought would be the biggest challenge. Stretch yourself.

9.      Say “no” really loud when you first don’t want to do something, as you can surprise yourself when the strongest resistance can transform to embracing “yes.” That happened for USA freestyle wrestler Gold medalist Tamyra Mensa-Stock who reportedly first disdained the sport but after encouragement by her twin sister, found she really liked using it to channel her strength and aggression. 

10.    Like Phelps advises in his TV ads promoting therapy, don't hesitate to seek professional help. When? As soon as you feel you need it; when troubles last more than two weeks; when problems interfere with your performance in any aspect of your life; when others notice a change in you.  

11.      Remember my 3 S’s:  No stigma. No shame. No silence.

12.     “It’s OK to not be OK” Osaka cited in TIME magazine. The phrase is interestingly the title of a 2020 Korean TV romance series about a caretaker and a children’s book writer who has an antisocial personality disorder. It’s also the title of a song by Demi Lovato, who like Phelps, is a spokesperson for the online therapy service Talkspace. But it is also a popular anti-stigma phrase in the psychological community, meaning, accept all feelings.

‘Building Back Better’ after COVID-19 through Addressing Health Equity, Mental Health, and Well-being: Contributions of Psychological Science and Practice to Leave No One Behind

COVID-19 is still plaguing some countries while others are recovering but in trauma. Join our event about Health Equity to "build back better" from this pandemic. Quite a program I'm honored to moderate: A moving blessing from an indigenous Elder, then an impressive line-up of 14 governments speak, Sierra Leone, Bahrain, Canada, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Georgia, Iceland, Japan, Lebanon, Mali, Mexico, Nepal, Portugal, Qatar, and Sweden, then, experts from Africa, Mexico, Sweden, "voices from the field" from India, Nepal and Africa. And a surprise music video from Menace da General. We all deserve the highest quality mental health! Join us!

Register at https://bit.ly/3jKUyS8

View Concept Note and Programme below.

Future of Love - June 29 @ 12 pm EST

Can love survive in these pandemic times, and in "recovery"?  Ask your questions and hear great advice from me, the "Love Doctor" psychology professor, former host of the popular "LovePhones" radio advice show, and author of "The Complete Idiots Guide to a Healthy Relationship". Join me in the "Future of Love" panel June 29, 2021 at noon EDT, with New York Times Modern Love editor, hosted by Columbia Global Centers.

Click here to register

6 Tips for Lovers on Valentine’s Day in the Pandemic

With hugs and kisses banned by experts to prevent the spread of the COVID-19, the joy of Valentine’s Day has paled for lovers as the epidemic wages on for over a year. Vaccines are rolling out, but only slowly, so most people in the intimate-active age group are still suffering under warnings about intimate contact and restrictions of quarantines, imposed lockdowns, mask-wearing, and restaurants closed for those traditionally romantic dinners.

Reasonable warnings but also fears were fanned last April when Dr. Anthony Fauci announced that people should consider that potential hook-ups can be asymptomatic carriers of the virus.  In a UK study, only about 40 percent of respondents said they have been sexually active, partly due to anxiety, availability or dampened mood.

Even married and co-habiting couples have been alerted that one partner can be carrying the virus. 

While the traditional acts of sending flowers and handing over boxes of chocolate (from a safe distance) can prevail, the day calls for closer contact.

So what are lovers to do this Valentine’s Day? 

As psychologists, we know that intimate connection satisfies desire, soothes the soul, and even stimulates chemicals that create physical as well as psychological well-being.  Research even proves that connection with others is the best remedy to negative states caused by the separation imposed by this long-lasting pandemic, including loneliness, heartache, desolation, and anxieties. 

The complex emotions escalate during holidays and anniversaries.  Being starved for affection can drive people into deep desperation, depression and even drastic thinking. As one man admitted to me, “I’d rather die than be cut off from people much longer than this.”

The keys to reaping the benefits of love while resisting infection is possible for singles and those already-attached with these tips.

(1) Expand the number of people to whom you express love.  Think of Valentine’s Day is not just for lovers, but for friends, as is the case in some cultures. For example, the word Valentine's Day in Finland and Estonia translates into "Friend's Day" indicating that this day is more about remembering friends, rather than “significant others.” A study of 1,477 people over ten years showed that expanded social networks can predict living longer. In support of this, a survey by the Ypulse company that monitors Gen Z and Millennials found that 74 percent of respondents agreed that Valentine’s Day is a good opportunity to tell friends and family they are loved and appreciated. 

(2) Limit in-person hook-ups to virtual ones. Practice principles of “phone sex” (from the 60s) upgraded in this electronic age to using handheld platforms -- through audio and video formats like chat, sexting or zoom  -- to engage with a partner in a desired interaction.  Talking through what you are actually doing as if in the act in the moment -- more potent than just saying what you would like to do -- takes a little imagination but can be fulfilling. Include not only the description of your actions but also feelings – how you feel and how you want your partner to feel -- which is good practice for future times of true consummation. 

(3) Resolve to practice “safe sex” during this public health emergency.  On April 8, 2020, the New York City Health Department published an explicit guide outlining safe sex practice during the pandemic.  It warned about spreading the virus spreads through particles in the saliva, mucus or breath of people with COVID-19, or those who are asymptomatic (though admittedly unclear scientifically about sex act transmission), advised against kissing and for limiting contact to those in a close household circle. Explicit tips for enjoyment while stopping the spread included masturbating alone or together (while mask-wearing); washing (hands, toys or other touched items) before and after the act; and even making it “a little kinky” by being “creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”

(4) Explore deeper levels of commitment and communication.  Findings from The American Family Survey show that despite the stress and disruption in family and work life caused by the pandemic, husbands and wives reported sustained sex and deeper commitment and appreciation of each other.  As a marriage counselor for years, I know that better oral communication creates sexual sparks, especially since messages go fastest to the brain through the ears than other senses. 

(5) Take “sex” to higher levels. My own, and many others’, expertise in eastern sexology shows that high states of ecstasy (and enlightenment) can be reached between people without even touching. The techniques to do this are simple, as outlined in my book, The Complete idiots Guide to Tantric Sex. By focusing your energy, through your breath and intention, inwards and then extending it to another purposefully, through the breath, eye contact, and simple motions, you can direct and transmit highly charged loving feelings outward, and receive them back inward, in a dedicated exchange. The classic scene in the film “Cocoon” between actors Tahnee Welch and Steve Gutenberg shows how glowing sparks can fly between two people in a swimming pool that may look like otherworldly alien love but their charging the water and space between them with “life force” is actually achievable by us ordinary folks.

(6) Look for new paths to “passion”.  In my many surveys and research over the years as a dating, relationship and sex expert, I documented how couples can form strong bonds and feel erotic attraction by sharing activities and hobbies that “turn them both on.”  In my Complete Idiots Guide to a Healthy Relationship, I suggest taking up a new hobby together, either a new idea for both of you or throwing yourself into a partner’s passionate pursuit that you once resisted (gardening, sports).  Working together on a common project raises erotic interest, as evidenced in office affairs.  Bring that affair home by brainstorming ideas about what you could both enjoy that will spill over into finding new or refreshed thrill about each other.

Take the pressure off Valentine’s Day by using the occasion to make every day an ongoing celebration of yourself as a loving being, and expressing love to others.

Overcoming personality disorders- wise advice from Martin Luther King

We all know MLK's I Have  A Dream", buthis less-erknown ssermons on Overcoming Personality Disorders are actually a psychologists' dream, for thier wise advice.

See my article at:  http://www.blackstarnews.com/global-politics/others/lessons-about-overcoming-personality-problems-from-martin.

Basically:

•       Overcome Inferiority Complex.  This is imprtant, says King, given a survey showing that 90% of college students admitted to feeling "less than."  Says King: “Accept yourself as you actually are. Don’t try to be anybody else except yourself”. He quotes Carl Jung, a famous psychologist. He adds a car metaphor: “When the Ford learns to accept itself as a Ford, it can do things that the Cadillac could never do.”

•       Overcoming Depression. Says King:  “Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”

•       Conquer narcissism. Says King:  “Give yourself to something outside of yourself, like family, friends or a job. Find a great cause you can become absorbed in and give your life to.”

Levels of Love - lesser-known sermons from the wise Dr.Martin Luther King

What kind of love do you extend to others? Martin Luther King Jr. offered wise sermons on levels of love in lesser known sermons, that are actually a psychologist's dream.

The levels go from "utilitarian" love (using others) to "romantic" love to "humanitarian" love (says King:“Within every man there is something sacred and so all humanity must be loved") to “unconditional” love (the principle of non-judgment at the core of psychologist Carl Jung's highest level of llove as well).

Says King of unconditional love:“The person may be rich, or the person may be poor. The person may be up and in; the person may be down and out. The person may be white; the person may be black. The person may be Jew; the person may be Gentile. The person may be Catholic; the person may be Protestant. In other words, you come to the point of loving every man and become an all-inclusive love. It is the love of God operating in the human heart. And it comes to the point that you even love the enemy.”

See my article:

https://www.blackstarnews.com/global-politics/others/lessons-on-love-from-martin-luther-king-jr-a-psychologists.

Can love trump money in the contested U.S. Presidential Race

The Beatles sang that “money can’t buy you love.” But can love- and the brain- sway the current, hotly contested, United States election?

This question is particularly palpable given the spontaneous loud chants “We Love You” by thousands of Trump supporters at rallies around the country.  The candidate answers, “I love you, too.”

Both candidates for the highest office in the land, Democrat former Vice President Joe Biden and incumbent Republican President Donald Trump promote divergent views on taxes and economic growth. But could they put more emphasis in the final stretch on an appeal to the heart – and the brain – as much as to the pocketbook.

The United States constitution has played a big part in the current Presidential battle for the highest office in the land. That debate has skewed towards court packing and winning partisan appointments of conservatives or liberals. Included in the conversation - as in the title of the Fox TV show, “Life, Liberty and Levyn” - is a reference to words in the document’s introduction to our inalienable rights to “life and liberty.”

Something is missing.

What’s left out is the third inalienable right: the pursuit of happiness. 

While casting the ballot likely hangs significantly on issues related to the pandemic, the economy and unemployment rate, and safety and security, research shows that emotions and the brain matter.

Brain science is an increasing focus of many clinical and research fields of neurology and neuropsychology. The amygdala – considered part of the limbic system and commonly referred to as the “pleasure center of the brain” — performs a primary role in processing cognitive functions (memory and decision-making) as well as emotional responses (fear, anxiety, and aggression). 

A link has been found between cognitive style and identification as conservative versus liberal. In a study of recorded structural magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans from 90 healthy young adults (61% female) who self-reported their political attitudes confidentially, greater conservatism was associated with increased volume of the right amygdala in contrast to greater liberalism associated with increased gray matter volume in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a part of the frontal cortex commonly associated with error detection and conflict processes, and also social exclusion.

The researchers see their results as consistent with other findings that individuals with a larger ACC have a higher capacity to tolerate uncertainty and conflicts, allowing them to accept more liberal views, in contrast to individuals with a large amygdala being more sensitive to fear and disgust, and more inclined to integrate conservative views into their belief system.

This information can energize a base and influence others..

Look to history. A clue to the appeal of the psychological concept of happiness occurred during the first presidential debate in 2012 when a focus group’s ratings spiked after candidate Mitt Romney (though he lost his bid for the office badly) referred to the inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The importance of emotional well-being has already gained attention on the international stage.

Happiness gained great ground on the international stage at a groundbreaking high-level meeting at the United Nations in April 2012, which I attended, when representatives from governments and varied sectors of society – economists,, academicians, NGOs, and community and interfaith leaders – came together to support the value of measuring a nation’s development not just by wealth but also by well-being. Hosted by the Royal Government of Bhutan, a tiny Himalayan country whose King initiated a Gross National Happiness Index in 1976, the meeting punctuated that GDP is not enough.

The United Arab Emirates took over Bhutan’s lead, under Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates. The ruler of the Emirate of Dubai established a Ministry of Happiness and Well-being in the government, reflected in his book, “Reflections on Happiness and Positivity.” The UAE is still now building The Global Happiness Coalition of supportive governments, launched at the World Government Summit 2018 in Dubai, that includes Slovenia, Costa Rica, Kazakhstan, Mexico, and Portugal.

Notably, the United Nations adopted a resolution establishing the annual celebration on March 20 of the International Day of Happiness, events which I have co-organized and spoken at.

The U.S. federal government has not been among these voices. While the National Institute of Aging focuses on well-being metrics to guide policy, the future of elder care and Social Security are both currently in danger and hotly debated in this election.

States, however, are slowly catching on. With its General Progress Indicator (GPI), Maryland is the first state to operationalize and incorporate well-being indexes into measuring development. The GPI includes social factors like the cost of commuting and lost leisure time, and the value of housework and volunteer work. Sean McGuire from Maryland’s Office for a Sustainable Future in Annapolis had told me, “Our GPI works, and other states have consulted with us about how to tailor such a measure to their needs.”

Vermont took heed. Policy recommendations resulting are intended to inform funding decisions regarding services to ensure the well-being of Vermont’s vulnerable children and families. The University of Vermont’s Gund Institute for Ecological Economics links health, well-being, mental heath and happiness to nature, climate change, and resilient communities. 

Citizens are also taking action.  Activists and experts -- teachers, doctors, NGO founders, lawyers, psychologists and entrepreneurs -- have attended many gatherings, in models like that in Seattle for the “Happiness, Compassion & Sustainability Conference” co-sponsored by the Happiness Initiative.

Before the United States election two cycles ago, I joined two Vermont women walking nearly 600 miles across seven states to Washington, D.C., to promote happiness as an alternative measure of how well we’re doing. “Happiness Walkers” Linda Wheatley and Paula Francis, co-founders of Gross National Happiness USA (GNHUSA.org), asked people along the route what makes them happy. Most answered, “family” and “other people.” When I joined them on the walk, a waitress told me, “Watching my daughter’s eyes light up at Christmas”; a man said “doing karate in my wheelchair”; and a guy at a roadside garage shooed me away while yelling back, “Money.”  

In my own surveys about what attracts men and women to a partner, honesty and caring top the list. Money is mentioned as an aside, often with a smirk, which people explain reflects reality but superficial values. 

Small businesses – now suffering so severely in these pandemic lockdowns, once cashed in on the appeal of the word “happiness,” using it to sell flowers, gifts and even in  advertising soup. 

Critics maintain that happiness cannot be measured, but psychological research and conclusions in the annual “World Happiness Report”, co-edited by three world-renowned economists, show otherwise. Also, the Happy Planet Index rates countries on citizen well-being as well as life expectancy and ecological footprint (Nordic countries and Costa Rica have rated high). Many other scales address overlapping concepts like quality of life, satisfaction and well-being. The World Health Organization Quality of Life-BREF asks, “How much do you enjoy life?” The GNH Happiness Survey asks respondents to evaluate statements like, “So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.”

Psychologists like myself have been advocating with governments at the United Nations about the important role of well-being and empowerment in the eradication of poverty – the topic of one of the events I co-organized and moderated at the UN Commission for Social Development.

Numerous articles in the journal, “Health and Well-being,” published by the International Association of Applied Psychology, an NGO I represent at the United Nations, as well as research in publications on the topic of “Humanitarian Work Psychology,” prove the relationship between unemployment and well-being.

Such research often builds on the results of a classic study, referred to as the “Hawthorne Effect” whereby workers’ productivity increased when lights in the workplace were turned either up or down, leading to one interpretation that motivation is affected by workers’ perception of employer’s concern for their welfare.  While some have critiqued the study’s conclusion, many still bank on its message.

In this home stretch of the election, that many agree will change the course of the country like none other, these ideas can be integrated into final appeals.

The Beatles may have been wrong:  Love is NOT “all you need” but it can build bonds and help heal our nation going forward.

Words matter: Continuing to call for ”Social distancing” might make matters worse

As New York City enters phase 1 of 4 phases in “re-opening for business,” and people emerge out of pandemic isolation, the delicate balance between the “new normal” and the risk for infection spikes rests gravely on following rules including about masks, hygienics, and distancing. 

Certainly, distance between people is critical since the coronavirus is transmitted by close contact that exchanges respiratory droplets. 

Use of the term “social distancing” is widespread. It’s been spoken publicly by many pundits, reporters, organizations, city and state public service announcements (PSAs), AT&T, TV show promotions (e.g., for Marriage Boot Camp) and even health experts like U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Director Dr. Anthony Fauci and White House coronavirus response coordinator Dr. Deborah Birx. Even popular TV host Trevor Noah now calls his program the “Daily Social Distancing Show.” 

But I have long urged replacing the term “social distance” with “physical distance.” 

In my view as a psychologist, the continued use of the word “social distance” will exacerbate the emotional trauma already evoked by the loneliness, frustration and depression caused by the self-isolation and quarantines of the lockdowns, making people more desperate for interpersonal connection.  Studies are currently underway to assess the immediate and long-term psychological sequelae of these experiences. 

Worse, “opening up for business” can make vast numbers of people newly released from confinement to home even more likely to rebel against recommendations to restrict close “social” contact to prevent the virus spread. 

Hence, a physical measurement – implicit in “physical distancing” -- is easier and less emotionally-charged to follow. 

Besides, considerable research proves that social isolation exacerbates emotional trauma and that the opposite -- social connection -- heals psychological stress from crisis. This has been vividly true in all my extensive work providing psychosocial support to people after natural disasters around the world, in Japan, China, Sri Lanka, Iran, Sint Maarten, the USA, and in epidemics, like in Hong Kong during SARS and in Sierra Leone during the Ebola outbreak. 

Social connection – people keeping in touch without touching -- can still flourish in physical distancing, facilitated by many technological tools available to almost everyone today. 

When the pandemic first broke, I immediately reacted negatively to the term “social distancing” being used in wall-to-wall news, and advised replacing it with “physical distancing.” All my associates agreed. I also pointed out this distinction right away to my graduate psychology students at Teachers College, Columbia University, in my class on “Psychology and the United Nations,” emphasizing that this distinction is more consistent with international documents recognizing social connection as fundamental to good physical and mental health. 

In many subsequent webinars, I made sure to highlight this need to shift terminology. In my segment on mental health on a webinar on April 6, on “COVID-19 in Africa: Stopping the Spread and the Panic,” co-sponsored by the United African Congress and my NGO accredited at the United Nations, the International Association of Applied Psychology, the Ambassador of Sierra Leone to the United States, HE Sidique Wai, who was also on the program, acknowledged the wisdom of my point and later told me he had spread this advice to all his fellow Ambassadors, to use the term “physical distancing” instead of “social distancing.”  

Words matter.  They determine behavior through neural connections in the brain.  When the brain hears the words “social distancing,” the neurons fire on the word “social” and do not compute a required physical distance. 

Even before the announced “opening up” today, frighteningly, I’ve noted that gaggles of congregating people in my beloved New York City – being called the “Ground Zero” of COVID-19 -- are not heeding the continual reminders to “socially distance”. I saw many people passing by each other at arms length, clearly not measuring or claiming a 6-foot safe space. 

The contrast between this more lax approach is stark to what I experienced months ago when the lockdown was in full force and I gingerly ventured out to the drug store, dodging and zig-zagging with fellow passers-by to avoid getting close to each other. In the rare instances of making eye contact, our glances warned, “Stay out of my space” “You could make me sick.”  Eerily, I felt like a leper. 

Further, I fear that emergence from months of stifling quarantine will unleash flagrant and defiant disregard of safe distance rules. During the height of the pandemic, and during Spring break, the news had already shown so many young people cavorting in close contact on beaches.  

Some stores are helping to keep the distance, with separation barricades, broken lines or circular dots on the ground to indicate how far apart people need to stand. Kudos to CityMD, where I went for my COVID-19 test, for encouraging adherence with impressive quotes inside their dots outside the door for patients waiting to enter. 

“Hope is being able to see there is light despite all the darkness,” is one quote, from revered human rights activist Desmond Tutu. 

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light,” is inside another circle, from ancient philosopher Aristotle. 

But spaced-apart dots can’t accommodate the long lines accumulating now that shops are opening up, like those by the cash registers on Duane Reade’s floor that request, “Please stay 6 feet apart to protect everyone.” Wanting to position myself accurately, and noticing the tall guy behind me, I asked, “Are you 6’4”? He answered, “No, 6’7”.  He smiled, but didn’t budge, nor did the guy close behind him. 

Six feet is now the recommended safe space. Interestingly, a systematic review published in the Lancet medical journal of databases from over 200 studies supports physical distancing of 1 meter (approximately 3.3 feet) or more as the best available guidance to date for models and contact tracing to inform policy about the coronavirus, while noting the need for more “robust” research. 

The once-proposed humorous alternatives to handshakes and hugs, such as bumping fists, elbows, or even feet, don’t even qualify for the required safe distance. 

To traverse the divide, one woman joked, “Since we’re not allowed to hug anymore, I’m going to do the Queen of England’s signature royal hand wave.” One man’s solution is more zooming on his iPhone, and spying on neighbors with binoculars, “So I know some living bodies are out there besides me.” 

“Physical distancing” will impact differently in cultures.  Spacing is already built in to greetings in more socially conservative countries, like the Japanese bowing and the Indian “Namaste.” In contrast, for Americans, Europeans, and Latinos more accustomed to closer contact, bans on hugging and cheek-kissing may meet more resistance, especially when labeled  as “social” distance than called the less-emotionally charged phrase “physical distance.” 

As one New Yorker bemoaned, “If I don’t hug people, I’ll feel empty and others will think I’m stand-offish. It’s just not me.” 

My psychological advice: Alerting people about your changed behavior always allays complications.  So, admit up front, “I’m usually warm and friendly, but I’m observing physical distance to keep both of us safe; so, no offence if I stand back further now.” 

Also, speak in a louder voice to be heard across the space.  

Further, notice, adjust, and resist when necessary, those natural personal moves, like moving in closer to show attraction or agreement. 

Also beef up your body language, 60% of which normally accounts for communication, but more of which will help get your points across. 

Recognize your own and others’ PD—comfort with a measure of personal distance.  As a relationship therapist, I have always advised daters to respect each other’s PD. Some people require more space, and feel “invaded” when their boundary is crossed, on the basis of comfort or even as a sign of aggression.  Most people know what it feels like to back up when they feel someone “is in your face.

”A field of study, called proxemics by cultural anthropologist Edward Hall who coined the term in 1963, defines the distance surrounding a person as forming a space. Personal space is the area around a person which s/he regards, and values, as psychologically theirs. Zones can be individually defined and reserved for different people, from intimates and new acquanitances to public groupings. In his studies, gender mattered: males needed more personal space than females. 

Hall identified four zones and ranges of distance. 

Social distance – that coorelates to the current 6-feet pandemic recommendations – refers to  interactions among acquaintances and ranges from 4 to 7 feet, to 7 to 12 feet. 

Public distance is even fruther -- as during public speeches -- ranging from 12 to 25 feet or more. 

Intimate distance, for close relations, during touching or embracing, ranges from less than an inch to 6-18 inches. Personal distance, defined for interactions among family and good friends, ranges from  1.5 to 2.5 feet, or extended to 4 feet.

Beyond personal space is also more social forms. For example, territory refers to areas a person may "lay claim to" and defend against others. These include surrounding spaces (body territory); and places a person has continuous control over (home territory) or can freely enter (public territory) or congregate (interactional territory).

The brain also plays a role, in that proximities stimulate the amygdala part of the brain inside the cerebral hemisphere involved with experiencing emotions. Approach into personal space can be welcome, while violations are perceived as invasive or aggressive, and lead to discomfort, anxiety or anger. The #MeToo movement has made this all too evident, demanding respect for this personal space.

Brain chemicals get triggered in close bonding, that boost health and mental health, like oxytocin, (the “cuddle chemical”) that flows between a mother and her newborn; and neurotransmitters that boost your mood in activities like intimate relations, releasing endorphins (“the pleasure chemical”), dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. 

Research proves that touch has physical benefits - reducing blood pressure – and emotional value. During 9/11, we first responders handed out teddy bears to survivors and those who lost loved ones, to hold for what’s called “contact comfort,” that leads to proven psychological and physical gains. 

One of my favorite studies proving the importance of this contact comfort is by noted psychologist Harry Harlow in the 1950s who showed that baby monkeys clung more to a “mother” figure constructed of wire covered with soft cloth than to a wire figure outfitted with a milk bottle. 

Once health advisories say it’s safe, recalibrating the personal distance and getting back to social contact is crucial to heal from this pandemic.   

Note: this article refers to the personal distancing between people, while distancing measures used to control the spread of this contagious disease also refers to closures of schools, workplaces and other public facilities, and prohibition of certain numbers of people in gatherings.

"Impact of the COVID-19 Lockdown and Recovery" conference: Dr Judy addresses Mental Health

As governments around the world take urgent action to save lives, protect livelihoods from the COVID-19 pandemic, and plan to call off the Lock Down, our organizations and partners have stepped up to this challenge by planning a free online conference education on "COVID-19:After Lock-Down Preparedness". The conference aim is to enact action on setting the pace for community sustainability and healthy living preparedness on after COVID-19 Lock-Down.

The purpose is to create content for community education,erase emerging self stigma or negative emotional health and build healthy confidence in the minds of people while strengthening economic and human healthy living.The goal is to ensure that as the world leaders call off the global Lock-Down, efforts could be made to ensure adequate measures are taken through education and public knowledge that things are in place for personal,family,community and societal sustainability.

The Objective is to prepare people on;
Overall education about COVID-19
Strategy to overcome impending psychology and emotional health Knowledge about "After Lock-down preparedness and Sustainability Adjusting to economic growth and development
Management and prevention of COVID-19
Women and Children Carefulness
Role of community stakeholders and civil Society Organizations

The outcome will provide guidance to continued work by community service organizations on their mission to healthy humanity with respect to COVID-19 control, prevention and management. The outcome will further help our organizations to devise more responsive and resilient health management,care and prevention interventions to maintain the current health crisis and mitigate the long-term health and economic impact on humanity.

The Program

GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE EDUCATION

His Excellency Ambassador Denise Antoine, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary
Embassy of Grenada in Beijing

Hollywood Actor Danny Glover Global Ambassador,UNICEP and UNDP

ECONOMIC ADJUSTMENT

 Panel Discussion: AFTER LOCKDOWN PREPAREDNESS Education Adjustment

Moderator: Senator James Sanders Jr., New York State Senator and Chairman of Committee on Banks

MANAGEMENT AND PREVENTION: Outreach and Communication

State Senator Kevin S. Parker and Chairman of Committee on Energy and Telecommunications, New York State

WOMEN AND CHILDREN CAREFULNESS

Dr Ameena Ali, Founder: Bellies of G.R.R.A.C.E.E. (GA Reproductive Resource Alliance Center for Education and Empowerment

ROLE OF COMMUNITY SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS: Cultural Best Practices

H.E Dr Monica Sanchez Cultural Ambassador/Founder Miss CARICOM Foundation

Dr. Padmini (Mini) Murthy, Professor / Global Health Director

New York Medical College School of Health Sciences and Practice

Dr Greg Ibeh, President, Gregory Ibeh University, Nigeria

Psychological Issues and Mental Health

Dr. Judy Kuriansky, Clinical psychologist, TV commentator, author, United Nations NGO representative, Columbia University Teachers College

Rohey Malick Lowe Lord Mayor of Banjul, Gambia

Best Practices for Nonprofit Workplace Community Practices

H. E Marshall
Dr Mrs Omobolanle Olonisakin President, Defense and Police Officers Wives Association, Nigeria

Mme Diop Fatoumata DG/CEO Group Doozigulf $FNB, Dubai

Finding the Silver Lining in the COVID-19 Crisis: Dr. Judy's Advice About Saving the Planet and the People at ECOVERSITY CONFERENCE