Lennon’s former lover and other shutterbugs show off iconic photographs with a psychological message

Trust is key in making a relationship work. I know that, as a psychologist. Trust is crucial for lovers, and between photographer and subject.

Accordingly, “Trust” is a subtitle of a section of favorite photographs held by their image-maker, featured in the new book “Behind Photographs – Archiving Photographic Legends. The exquisitely published coffee table book produced by photographer Tim Mantoani includes a range from collector’s item portraits of icons like Mother Teresa, Bruce Springsteen and Nelson Mandela to jaw dropping images of war refugees, an Iraqi boy injured by an explosive, an AIDS-ridden child.and a row of Russian missing forearms deformed by pollutants. There’s also Cuba’s Fidel Castro smiling and hugging  grinning Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev when they met at the United Nations General Assembly on September 20, 1960 – an encounter of particular interest to me, as an NGO representative at the UN who has sat in on GA sessions when heads of state make presentations each September. 

Imagine. That’s another favorite psychological term.  Imagining allows you to fulfill your dreams, consistent with the inspirational saying, “If you can see (imagine) it, and believe it, you can be it.”

Imagine is also the title of one of John Lennon’s most popular albums. Imagine if you were up close to that icon of our times.

May Pang was.  The photographer and Feng Shui jewelry producer is an icon of sorts herself as the one-time assistant to Lennon and Yoko Ono who became his lover during the 1973-1975 interim phase of that relationship, referred to by Lennon as the “Lost Weekend.”

Pang’s contribution in Mantoani’s book was taken in the summer of 1975 on the Long Island Sound, capturing Lennon in a charming pose with his young son Julian.

“I helped bring the two of them together that summer,” Pang told me.

Pang answered a burning question, “Was John Lennon a good lover?” with an enthusiastic, “Yes.” When I asked her to elaborate, she replied that he knew how to please a woman first and even taught her a few things.  These are all excellent signs, I told her. 

Another stunning photo is the Fab Four in 1964 caught midair jumping onto a bed when told by their manager Brian Epstein that they were number 1 in American and going to New York.

Besides the Lennon shots, you can “Imagine” why I marveled at a youthful Elvis Presley caught on celluloid June 30^th 1956 backstage at the Mosque Theatre in Richmond Virginia clearly tongue-kissing an unknown date. It reminded me of how Gene Simmons once thrust his (albeit longer) tongue down my throat backstage at a concert in the days when I was hosting my Z100 “LovePhones” call-in radio show. 

Imagine doing something innocently at one point in time that decades later becomes outrageously valuable. Lori Grinker did that as a student in 1980 when doing a project on young boxers, taking a picture of then 14-year old Mike Tyson, being told he would become the next great heavyweight champion – and then he did! She followed the later-ear-biting champ for 10 years, and is quoted in the book saying, “He was a troubled but sweet kid who veered off the good path he was led to with all that comes with being a celebrity in that world.”

Similarly, Amy Arbus in 1983 stopped a then-unknown young woman on the street (whom she recognized as a girl in her gym who sat around naked in the locker room) to ask for a picture who said she still had her pajamas on, was grateful since she would be famous one day.  The girl turned out to be Madonna.

At the book reception and exhibition recently in New York City, Mantoani described the psychological value of a still photo that you can look at again and again.  “It tends to burn into your psyche. It becomes ingrained in your mind.” 

Seeing the groundbreaking image-makers with their favorite subjects not only puts a face to their work, but reveals another interesting psychological principle in Mantoani’s description of how over time photographers develop their own way to seeing and their individual style.  Indeed for all of us, “We all have our own personalities…our own voice and our own style.” 

Convincing the photo takers to pose with their images was surprisingly not always easy.  “Some were shy,” Mantoani told me.  But he was persistent, driven to show young generations what these artists have done and to be inspired to create their art.

His words reminded me of a young Japanese girl in the class I taught at Tokyo’s Aoyama Gakuin University.  After my lecture about following your dreams, she came up to me and told me of her dream to become a photographer, but her parents’ disapproval, wanting her to do something to insure a more secure future. She cried as I encouraged her to go for her dream.

Another valuable psychological message in the book comes from a photo of children jumping high in the air off a rock onto the sand at a beachfront on the Marshall Islands in 1997.  The notation by photographer Mark Edward Harris says wisely that “kids don’t need money to entertain themselves…a lesson we should all keep in mind.”  

We all have our own Ministry: Wisdoms from a luncheon at the UN

“We all have our own ministry.”

That was the wisdom of the Honorable Felix Ortiz, New York State Assemblyman, learned from his father.  I love that message.  We all serve others in our own way, with our own skills.  It reminds me of Martin Luther King’s famous saying that if you are a street sweeper, be the best street sweeper you can be.

Ortiz, chair of the Mental Health Committee and Puerto-Rican/Hispanic Task Force in the state assembly, was the keynote speaker at the luncheon I attended October 27th at the United Nations delegates dining room, sponsored by the American Association for Psychosocial Rehabilitation (AAPR).  One reason I went is because I have worked with AAPR colleagues, since they are an NGO affiliated at the UN, like my NGO, the International Association of Applied Psychology, for which I am the main UN rep.

“We have to think out of the box,” said the congressman, using another phrase I\that I consider wise. I love that phrase.  I always recommend that people, and couples, be creative in their lives. 

The assemblyman, a member of the Black, Puerto Rican, Hispanic Legislative Caucus, also noted that to improve mental health systems, we have to achieve cultural competency, including to overcome linguistic problems.  Fortunately, the government has mandated that every agency that provides services needs to have staff who speak different languages. We also have to identify problems early, to get them into the system (like in cases of autism), taking a more long-term view.

On other matters, he noted the need to re-distribute financial waste, utilize webcasts, and be ready for women in the armed forces returning from Iraq and Afghanistan.

Another reason I went to the luncheon was to meet in person the President of the World Psychiatric Association, Dr. Pedro Ruiz, who was being honored with the Irving Blumberg Human Rights Award (pictured with me in the photo). 

  

I've had a long-time association with WPA, on the board of the Disaster Section and meeting with colleagues in Buenos Aires and Sao Paolo. I gave him a copy of our book, Intervention in Destabilizing Situations: Crises and Traumas (published in Rio de Janeiro by Associação Brasileira de Psiquiatria, 2009) and edited by my friends Brazilian psychiatrists Jose Thome and Iveley Taralli and Argentinian psychiatrist Moty Benyakar.  The book is an interesting multi-cultural tome with articles mostly in Portugese and Spanish. My article in English is “Communication and media in mass trauma: How mental health professionals can help.” Another article in English is “Spirituality, Religion and Resilience Promotion in Resilience Trauma” by Australian psychiatrist Russell D’Souza.

Dr. Ruiz was presented his award by his good friend, psychiatrist Dr. Humberto L. Martinez, who has spent 32 years serving in the South Bronx.  I found it fascinating that he remembered my being on TV news from decades ago, from recognizing my eyes!

“The eyes are windows to the soul,” he said wisely. We traced that keen attention to his being in the armed forces, after being drafted from his native Puerto Rico. As an army brat, I could relate.

Yet another valuable wisdom from that afternoon was the phrase:  “A sandwich and conversation.”

That’s a good way for friends to offer their friendship and consolation.  It’s the approach of “Project Help” described by founder Sam Tsemberis, when volunteers cruised the streets of New York in a van looking for homeless people and offering them help (food, shelter, personal connection). It reminds me of the approach we used as mental health volunteers after 9/11 when we walked around the pit of Ground Zero offering the rescue workers water, apples, gloves and an opportunity to talk if they wanted.  It is also my approach in disasters that I applied in Haiti right after the earthquake there, where I trained students to be “comforters” offering the injured people lying on hospital grounds water and comforting words. 

So think about, what is my own ministry?  How can I think out opf the box?  To whom can I offer a sandwich and ocnversation?

Ruth and Bernie Madoff’s “suicide attempt” and lessons for life

Ruth Madoff, wife of disgraced financier Bernie Madoff, who seduced and duped colleagues into a Ponzi scheme that wiped out their savings, has admitted that she and her scheming husband impulsively planned to kill themselves.  Their act highlights death wishes thousands of people sadly have. Here are some issues from a psychological point of view:

1) If the Madoffs really wanted to die they could have succeeded. People who are smart enough to con colleagues out of so much money, as in Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, are smart enough to know how many sleeping pills to take to insure not waking up. They would also know what pills they were taking (i.e. Ruth said she didn’t know if they took Ambien or not). Their act of taking pills and then being surprised when they woke up in the morning shows that they likely really wanted – as many people do – to go to sleep and have all their problems disappear in the morning.

2) No doubt the Madoffs are both depressed.  Suicide, after all, runs in the family. Their son Marc committed suicide in his Manhattan loft on the second anniversary of his father’s arrest. But the son did it in a more violent way- hanging himself. And he was evidently very intent on being successful, because his first attempt with a cord did not apparently work—the broken cord was found nearby.  He strung himself up again with another cord, that worked. That shows determination. 

3) Lack of success with a sleeping pill overdose to kill oneself seems to run in the family. This is not uncommon. Apparently son Marc had made an earlier attempt (before his hanging) with pills – the way his parents supposedly tried – had not “worked.”

3) The Madoff’s suicidal ideation and attempt highlights the act as (what we hear so often) a “cry for help,” but it is also despair that there is “no way out” of the person’s current desolate situation and mental state. The Madoffs were caught in the$18 billion financial deception and there was no way out.  Also narcissistic and powerful people in the high life, like the Madoffs, who fall from grace and their position, suffer tremendous humiliation, which can add to suicidal ideation.

4) Double (husband-wife) suicide pacts – and acts -- have happened in other cases.  Just a few days ago a husband and wife in New York, reportedly under financial problems, committed suicide together.

 5) Ruth Madoff’s admission of the suicide attempt is certainly also a public relations ploy to sell more books she agreed to her son that she would help promote.  It can also be a way to elicit a bit of public sympathy, since they were so besieged by hate mail, and could be “the most hated couple in America” (next to Casey Anthony being dubbed the “most hated woman in America”).

6) One predictor of suicide is a previous attempt.  It was said that Bernie Madoff was under suicide watch after being exposed, and that he thought of it (but stopped because of thinking of helping recover the money and also of his family).  Now that their attempt is so public, it will likely prevent another attempt.

7) Mrs. Madoff was quoted as saying that when she woke up after the night that ended up of  sleeping off the pills, “I’m not sure how I felt about him waking up.”  One interpretation of that is tremendous anger, that she would have wished her husband had died—maybe because of her anger at him, that her charmed life was ruined, or  saving him the pain of facing it (although she is the one who thought she didn’t know how she would face it).

8) With the Michael Jackson trial underway and the defense claiming suicide, and Ruth Madoff now talking about suicide attempts, the publican learn valuable lessons about suicide.  When you feel the thoughts of ending it all, immediately seek help.  Go to the nearest emergency room and see a psychiatrist.  Choose life and convince yourself that your family needs you, no matter what, and that you are strong enough to face the consequences. 

see abc.com news story by Susan James about Ruth Madoff's confession for excellent info about drugs that kill and don't kill.  

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/madoffs-suicide-pact-leaves-suicide-expert-dubious/story?id=14828858

Shrinking Casey Anthony

The latest news about Casey Anthony’s psychological state is that the young woman accused, but acquitted, of the death of her little daughter Caley, is about to see a female psychiatrist. Reportedly, she had previously been getting help from a “grief counselor.”  Here are my reactions:

1.  Seeing a “psychiatrist” implies that hopefully Casey will be getting a proper diagnosis – since speculation has been rampant about her condition.  She has been labeled as narcissistic, psychopathic and a pathological liar.  Her mother, Cindy Anthony, has publicly said, “I think there’s something seriously wrong with my daughter,” including a deficit in her “thought processes.”  Cindy has even hypothesized that her daughter has “post partum schizophrenia” “a brain tumor” or “Grand Mal seizures” -- which have been questioned by experts and criticized as a way to excuse her behavior. 

2.  Consulting a psychiatrist implies that Casey will now be assessed for appropriate medication treatment, since “counselors” are usually not medical doctors and psychiatrists are licensed to prescribe medication for psychiatric disorders.  Only a few states (e.g. Louisiana) have given prescription rights to licensed psychologists.

3.  Likely, antidepressants will be considered, since Casey has multiple reasons in her life to be depressed.  Her long and very public trial is very stressful.  Further, she has suffered many losses, including the death of her daughter; “loss” of her parents (especially her father saying on TV’s Dr Phil show that she is to blame for her daughter’s death and that she is not welcome in their home); loss of a future “normal’ life; damage to her reputation (being called ‘the most hated woman in America”); and worse, threats to her life. 

4.  It has been reported that Casey will see a female psychiatrist.  The gender of the therapist can be important for some clients, given what is called “transference” whereby the client unconsciously projects feelings, and repeats behaviors, with the therapist that come from past significant relationships. Often relationships from childhood with a parent are re-enacted. This dynamic affects the patient’s degree of openness, trust, honesty, comfort, subject matter, and behaviors in the sessions, as well as what is triggered in the sessions and enacted in life. While it is true that the degree of rapport between the therapist and patient matters most in the outcome of therapy, the matching of genders matters.  For Casey, seeing a female can be positive, in that a male can trigger negative transference to the “father” figure, George, who is right now being critical and blaming, which would undoubtedly lead to Casey being furious at, and feeling betrayed by, him and any male authority figure. Conversely, her mother has defended her, and been the more stoic of her parents (George has been suicidal and also therefore not a role model of a strong male figure).  Her mother also seems to have similar personality characteristics to Casey, which could predict a more positive identification and transference with a female therapist. 

5. Therapists also have what’s called “counter-transference” with patients -- projecting past experiences onto the patient relationship. Of course, therapists are trained to recognize and control any entangled emotions and reactions, not letting them interfere with the therapeutic alliance or objectivity. A female therapist would have to be conscious of personal feelings about mothering (especially if she is a mother herself) and about any woman who might have been involved in their child’s death. A female therapist might be more understanding of a woman’s conflicts over mothering, or sympathetic about post-partum conditions, but it is also possible she would struggle with negative reactions like condemnation or hostility towards a woman’s lying, partying, irresponsibility towards mothering, or even being suspected of malicious actions towards a child.  

6.  Casey’s problems are more serious psychologically than can be adequately handled by just getting medication, or seeing any therapist in private sessions, even a few times a week. Psychiatrists these days usually see patients for short periods of time, mainly to check on their meds, and do not typically have the 45- minute “talk” sessions that psychologists and other mental health counselors typically do. 

7. In my opinion, Casey should be in residential treatment, in a protected environment where she has a myriad of treatment sessions, and other therapeutic activities, every day.

Anthony Marriage Alert

With the explosive interviews of Cindy and George Anthony on Dr. Phil, my psychological observation is that their marriage is in trouble now more than ever before and can explode.  Here is why:

1. Research shows that many couples who lose a child separate, as deep-seeded emotions, including guilt and blame, cause unresolved conflict. Granted Caylee is the Anthonys’ granddaughter, but (1) she had been like a child to them, given their attachment to her and given that Casey was hardly a hands-on mother; and (2) they have now “lost” their daughter since they are not in contact with her and George admits Casey is “not welcome at their home.”
2. They presented a somewhat united front during the years leading up to the trial, but this has crumbled, as demonstrated on the Dr Phil show when George spoke up about his theory about Casey’s involvement in Caylee’s death and Cindy, with disapproving looks throughout the show, said she had never heard him say those things before.  George is now breaking out on his own – a loose cannon – which can cause intense “aftershocks”, e.g. blow-ups behind closed doors.
3. In response to their differing views on Caylee’s fate, Cindy says they can “agree to disagree.” From a psychological point of view, can you “agree to disagree” and make a marriage work?  Yes; compromise in communicating and resolving disagreements are key to a healthy relationship (I have written extensively about this in my book, “The Complete Idiots Guide to a  Healthy Relationship”). But some issues cannot withstand totally diverse opinions.  This would include the Anthonys’ disagreement over whether their daughter was involved in their granddaughter’s death!  It is hard to imagine a couple laughing over romantic dinners, or cuddling in bed, when one blames the daughter and she was involved (possibly with someone else) in their granddaughter’s demise while in stark contrast, the other is defending the daughter’s innocence. George blames Casey and says Caylee may be have been “sedated” so she could go out partying, which led to a worse outcome) and Cindy defends her daughter’s innocence, posing theories about her having “postpartum schizophrenia” or a ”grand male seizure” and saying she prayed to God that the trails’ outcome would show the truth, and that she believes the not guilty verdict did that.
4. The Anthonys are even victims of the intense public attention to their family dysfunction and drama. People are still glued to their story because it is a soap opera.  The newest installment is Cindy and George’s appearance on TV in apparently candid interviews. With soap operas being cancelled on TV – much to the outrage of millions of fans -- people will be looking for more family dramas like these.
5. The Anthonys have a vast different style of coping with tragedy, which is even more evident now. Cindy is still covering up, while George is going in the opposite direction, unraveling and uncovering. George has admitted addiction (to gambling) and depression (even suicidal ideation).  In contrast, Cindy uses defense mechanisms of denial and rationalization and appears to lie. A temper like hers could easily be directed at George, which he can turn inward. 
6. The couple has to seek therapy to resolve many intense issues, especially as they have been played out in the public eye. Their need for therapy is evident even in their giving access to Dr Phil, instead of a news show.
7. Love and connection was not evident between the couple on TV.  Although George did reach out to put his hand on Cindy’s knee at one point, Cindy smirked, and tightened her lips, on many occasions when George spoke, revealing more tension between them.  They both displayed more downward glances than any caring glances towards each other.
8. Therapy should be couple counseling and also individual therapy. This is psychologically sound approach for couples with as severe issues to afce as the Anthonys.  This was evident in Dr. Phil interviewing George on his own. 
9. An issue that must be addressed in couples counseling as well as individual therapy is the accusations made by Casey’s lawyer of George having abused his daughter. Such accusations are exceptionally psychologically serious, and can serve to unstable an accused man and to enrage his wife and the mother of their child.
10. Control is another issue to address in therapy.  Cindy has seemingly worn the pants in the family and George is now speaking his mind in disagreement with her.
11. George is in danger of re-emerging suicidal thoughts, given his revelations on television.  After this airing, Cindy can be aggressively critical of him, his performance and what he said.
12. The drama that is unfolding will undoubtedly have another chapter.  The Anthonys can be addicted to their TV personas, and the public will also want to see the next evolution of their story.
13. It is important to know how much the Anthony’s were paid to do theinterview.  Clearly they have had financial troubles before.