My boyfriend likes to rub my feet. He says it turns him on. I put up with it for a while but finally I told him it's disgusting. Now he won't have sex with me at all. How can I get him to kick this habit?
I'm afraid you put your foot in your mouth! If you so rudely put down his turn-on, of course he got hurt. Apologize. Everyone is entitled to their personal turn-on preferences as long as it doesn't hurt another person. Understand why he finds feet so attractive. In Freudian dream analysis, feet are symbolic of the phallus. Does he want such adoration? Or are feet a safer erogenous zone, so he can avoid other contact -- in case of such a fetish, there's a legitimate intimacy problem. Or is his foot fancy more harmless: perhaps a carry-over from playing footsie when he was younger. Have you ever watched babies playing gleefully with their feet, inserting them in their mouth? Or during the crawling stage, "discovering" mommy's toes right under their nose? Maybe his first girlfriend liked it. Such early pleasures evolve into later sexual proclivities. We often snicker at such "foot sex" -- like the scandal over Fergie and her Texas millionaire lover John Bryan caught in the act of "toe-sucking" -- but "podoerotica" as it's called has quite a history from mythology, religion, anthropology and physiology, as outlined in a fascinating book The Sex Life of the Foot and Shoe. Author William Rossi points out that toes do curl as a normal reaction in the sexual response cycle. Servants tickled the feet of Egyptian queens to ready them for sex. Subjects kiss the feet of kings and priests as a symbol of submission and honoring their power. And the Chinese bound girl's feet (called the "lotus foot") to create a soft inner space considered the most gourmet receptacle for sex. Why you are so unpleasantly disposed to your feet. Are you embarrassed? One girl called my radio show saying her big toes were so ugly she refused to take her socks off in sex. Spend time alone washing, pampering, preening and creaming them to get proud and more comfortable. New York reflexologist Laura Norman tells me and writes in her book "Feet First, A Guide to Foot Reflexology" that massaging the 7,000 nerves in each foot produces deep relaxation and applying pressure around the ankles frees up blood flow and energy to the reproductive organs, that stimulate sexual pleasure. Of course your boyfriend's retaliation (by turning off) is immature and unfair, but if you're now more open to his interest in feet, you might truly become soul mates!
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